If you’re not at Glastonbury this year, don’t fret! Northern Chorus has you covered with our hand picked selections to catch on the BBC iPlayer.
We all know and love the Glastonbury festival, whether you’ve traversed the farm in previous years or if you have never had the pleasure we can all agree it’s a sensational showcase of the best and brightest in music.
Welcome to the Northern Chorus’ “Glastonbury from the Sofa” guide: grab a beer (remember to use a plastic glass or just drink from the can to maintain authenticity) and park yourself on the sofa for three days of straight GLASTO!
Friday: Lynks kicks off our guide: 11:30 – 12:10 on the Park Stage is sure to get you grooving early doors. Lynks’ unabashed brand of dance and hyperpop is the perfect introduction to the festival, and the masked marauder will delight with not only their sheer lyrical and musical talent, the Lynks stage show is something to behold.
Lambrini Girls are up next, bringing their furious punk stylings to Woodsies from 12:45 – 13:30. They are a quite sensational outfit, and relish in taking aim at the powers that be, and and any other problematic nuisance they fancy taking to the cleaners.
Squid take their place on West Holts, 14:00 – 15:00 in the next slot: sons of the South West themselves, they have an unshakable prog-punk sound and will doubtlessly get the fields moving and grooving. Squid’s long-form jams and weird instrumentals have a post-punk edge sure to inspire pits galore.
Who else but Confidence Man to take up the next slot? On the Other Stage, 15:45-16:45, the duo are a whirlwind of dance and electronica energy. Everyone who has seen them, festival set or otherwise, raves about them (often quite literally), and theirs is another set this weekend where the stage show and theatricality takes the tunes to another level.
LCD Soundsystem take to the Pyramid Stage next up, 19:45 – 21:00, and they’re a band who need no introduction. Gargantuan indie melancholia, packed with moments made for sitting on your mate’s shoulders. Feel free to give this a try at home, though it might be easier to attempt with the cat.
Now, Friday night brings about a complex choice. There is plenty on, all of which conflicts. The Northern Chorus pick for 23:00-00:15 is the one, the only, Fontaines DC. Irish post-punk turned to the max: they are a phenomenal live act, and new tunes ‘Favourite’ and the Earth-shattering ‘Starburster’ are catapulting the band to the big stages they deserve.
Saturday: Rise and shine! Did you curate your own afterparty last night? Were you in the garden raving until sun up? Perhaps you even put the pop-up tent on the lawn for the love of it. Either way, we’re hitting another HUGE day of bands today, so get ready. At this point in proceedings, it is advisable to leave a stack of cans in the sunshine, so you can sip some lovely warm lager like everyone else.
We commence Saturday with Irish punk-rappers Kneecap who will be bringing their politicised bangers to Woodsies from 11:30 – 12:30. The group has enjoyed a meteoric rise to notoriety with their brilliant recent debut Fine Art, as well as legal wranglings with the Arts Council around funding. Not one to miss, this one is bound to be incendiary.
Make sure to catch Bar Italia, one of the coolest up-and-comers on the bill. The London scenesters are taking on the Park Stage from 14:00-14:45. They have a fantastically prolific work rate, and will be bringing indie bangers galore to the sunshine.
We have a short break in proceedings before The Last Dinner Party bring their Kate Bush-inspired art-ballads to the Other Stage from 15:45-16:45. During this downtime, recreate the festival experience by self imposing a bathroom queue, letting your phone run out of battery, or asking a stranger to play bad covers on an acoustic guitar in the kitchen. Whatever you do, make sure you make it to the stage (sofa) for The Last Dinner Party though: this huge Glastonbury set is bound to be the cherry on top of a massive eighteen months for them.
Now is where things start to get tricky: we have three mega options for you, all of which overlap. There’s Mercury winner Michael Kiwanuka on the Pyramid, 17:45 – 18:45, indie stalwarts Bloc Party are taking over Other Stage occupying the same slot, or the mysterious secret set is happening at Woodsies from 18:00-19:00. The rumour mill has been in overdrive for this one: The Killers and Kasabian have been mooted, as have Green Day, Pulp and Paramore. We shall see…
You can also go all in on the home festival experience here, by compiling your own variety pack by watching 20 minutes of each. Please ensure you add on a half mile jog “between stages” as you navigate the iPlayer.
Ok, down to brass tacks next. The Pyramid Stage plays host to Little Simz, 19:45-20:45, where she will be laying down a selection of her finest: Simz is a monumental talent, with a Mercury under her belt as well as three sensational records and a handful of EPs.
Things begin to get loose here: Leeds legends post-punk-poster-boys Yard Act are on Woodsies from 19:30-20:30, and the legendary Kim Deal’s Breeders will be conquering the Park Stage in the same slot. No need to miss a minute of this triple header, thanks to the glorious BBC coverage.
There is slight overlap with The Streets who take on the Other Stage, 20:30-21:30 where the main man himself Mike Skinner is transporting us to the noughties with his garage hip hop.
You’re best placed to stay at Other Stage for the headliners Disclosure who headline at 22:30 – 23:45. Let their dance electronica carry you twisting into the night.
Sunday: Okay, it’s Sunday, the final day of coverage, and we’ve got you covered. Make sure you crank the central heating up overnight so that you can fully replicate the sensation of waking up drenched in sweat to simulate a balmy morning in a tent, and whatever you do, do not shower. You’ve got to stink to make it real.
Problem Patterns kick things off today, they’re rampaging on the Park Stage from 11:30-12:10. Their brilliant feminist, angular punk debut Blouse Club made a splash this year, and it’s sure to sound huge on the farm.
Next up are the phenomenal Lime Garden, they play Park Stage 12:45-13:30. They’re another new band with a cracking 2024 debut One More Thing which somehow sounds like every Strokes record at once. Do not miss.
Punk’s favourite besties Soft Play quickly follow on the Other Stage, playing 13:45-14:30. Their first post-hiatus record, Heavy Jelly is due this summer, and they’ve been smashing the socks off of festival goers up and down the country already.
There’s a little more overlap here, this time with Irish shoegazers Newdad, who are back over on Woodsies from 14:15-15:00. You guessed it, they’re another superb new band with a brillant debut out this year. Madra is deeply melancholic and moody, and they are likely to wheel out their sensational cover of The Cure’s ‘Just Like Heaven’.
Short break now, so make yourself a small portion of vegan curry then set fire to twenty quid. Crack a warm lager if you can stomach it and head/change the Iplayer to Baxter Dury on the Park Stage, 16:30-17:30 for a slice of lounge lizard lo-fi. It’ll be another set of moody melancholy, but Dury is a master of his art.
Sonic Youth frontwoman and punk pioneer Kim Gordon is next on the agenda, she is taking over Woodsies, 18:30-19:30 in a set that is sure to be huge. Her new record, The Collective was a massive moment this year. She has pivoted to almost spoken word over trap style beats, combined with massive fuzzy, grungy guitar parts: it works on a fundamental level and is sure to translate perfectly to the farm.
The penultimate act for your sofa-festival is The XX’s Romy, 20:00-22:45, at the Woodsies. Her first solo effort landed this year, and Mid Air is nothing short of a triumph. She will doubtlessly get you moving, and her bandmate Jamie XX is also in the fields, so don’t rule out some XX numbers.
We’re capping off the weekend with The National, who are headlining the Other Stage, 21:45 – 23:45. Like LCD, they’re another moody New York band with alt-rock chops. If you can manage it, hoist your cat back on your shoulders for some more melancholic sing along action to close your Sunday.
There are some staggeringly good acts at Glastonbury this weekend, so swallow your jealousy and bed in for a massive weekend of telly. To round off the authentic festival experience, recreate leaving site by sitting motionless in your car for 4-6 hours.
The full Glastonbury Iplayer listings can be found here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1ddp11l2gzo
Words: Charlie Brock
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